The Beginning Years: II
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: Another complitation of my first few Batman stories.   Stories 6-10
1. NEW YEAR, NEW THINGS

Welcome to "Crappy Collections 2". If you're reading this, I really thank you. I owe you one.

I remember this story. This was the first one I began writing. Then I trashed it because it sucked. Then I wrote that other story. Then I came back to this one. This was the first story I actually put... decent thought into...

Enjoy?

* * *

NEW YEAR, NEW THINGS

* * *

Her phone began to vibrate across the nightstand. She opened an eye and watched her phone. She turned on her side away from the annoying object. She looked at him. She felt a small smile creep along her face. He was breathing heavily. She wiggled closer to him, resting her head on his pillow. Her phone's vibrating stopped. She smiled and closed her eyes and started to drift off. The phone started to buzz again. Harvey opened his good eye.

"Your phone's buzzing."

"Yeah. Thanks." Ivy sat up and flipped open her phone.

"What do you want?"

"Red! You finally answered! I've been trying to get a hold of you for like the past 10 minutes! You finally answered!"

Ivy sighed. "Yeah. Do you know what time it is?"

"Sure I do! It's 10:37!" Harley squeaked. "You said never to call you before 10:30 on weekends. So this time I waited 7 minutes after, to give you some extra beauty sleep!"

Ivy let out an exasperated sigh and flopped back down. "What do you need Harl?"

"A place to stay."

Ivy shot up in bed startling Harvey who sat up next to her and raised his eyebrow.

"Red? Ya there Red?"

"Yes. I'm still here. Why do you need a place to stay?"

"Well, I guess Mista J is mad at me again because I missed the punch line of his joke."

Ivy stared blankly at the wall covered with vines.

"Harley, where are you right now?"

Harvey looked at her and yawned. He lay back down and pulled up the covers.

"I'm in the cab. About 5 minutes away from your apartment."

"Shit." Ivy jumped up and threw the covers off her.

Harvey jumped up and fell off the other side of the bed.

"What the hell!" he yelped.

Ivy put her hand over the phone, "Get dressed. Harley is coming over."

Harvey gathered his pants off the floor and slipped them on.

"Harley?"

"Yeah Red?"

"See you when you get over."

"Alright, bye Red!"

"Bye Harl." Ivy closed her phone and looked at Harvey.

Harvey grabbed his coat and looked at her. Ivy smiled sadly.

"Sorry Harley has to come over," Ivy said.

Harvey shrugged, "It's alright."

Ivy kissed his cheek and started to walk towards the bathroom. He grabbed her arm.

"You haven't told her yet... have you? About us… I mean…"

Ivy looked into his eyes and turned away, "I'm sorry Harvey."

He sighed and dropped her arm, "I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I'll call you when I get the chance."

They looked at each other.

"Fine," he gave her a half smile and kissed her forehead. He started walking to the door. Ivy grabbed his collar and pulled him backwards. Harvey looked behind him.

"Yes?" He grinned.

Ivy gave him a smile, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"Thought I was gonna let you get off that easily?"

"I guess not. I thought-" The building door bell buzzed. Ivy's eyebrows furrowed.

"Everything is buzzing." Ivy grumbled. Harvey smiled and kissed her again.

"I'll see ya later babe."

"Fine," She grinned and slid her arms back down to her sides. He started walking to the door again.

"Good luck with Blondie," He winked. Ivy gave him a teasing slap on the arm.

"Bye Harvey."

"Yes. Bye Pammy." Still grinning, he didn't move. Ivy began to laugh.

"Leave! She's going to see you!" The door began to buzz again. "Go!" Ivy began pushing him towards the door. Harvey laughed, "How 'bout we flip the coin to decide?"

Ivy began laughing and pushing him towards the door, "You are so difficult!"

"Alright, alright! I'm going! You better answer your door before she has a conniption fit!" Harvey gave in.

Ivy giggled and started pushing him towards the door, "Goodbye Mr. Dent."

Harvey grinned and kissed her cheek again. She opened the door and let him out. She pressed the open door button. She sighed and sat down, smiling. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door. If it's Harvey he's gonna get it, she though to herself smiling. She opened the door.

"Hiya Red!" Ivy felt a tinge of a disappointment inside.

"Come on in Harl." Harley ran inside and threw her bags down. She flopped down on the couch.

"So, what are we gonna do?" Harley jumped back up and followed Ivy into the kitchen. Ivy put a cup of water into the microwave.

"First, I'm going to make coffee, and then I'm going to take a shower. Help yourself to whatever you want in the cupboards." Ivy walked off and got into the shower. As soon as she was done she sat down on the couch with Harley who was eating cereal watching TV. Ivy began to dry her hair with a towel.

"What are you watching?" Ivy looked at the TV.

Harley looked at her, "It's the Twilight Zone. Some old TV show about Sci-Fi stuff. It's a marathon" She took another bite of cereal. Ivy got up to get her coffee. She yawned, took her coffee out of the microwave and sat back down.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Ivy looked at Harley. "Like perhaps try and make up with Jack?"

"Nah. He can come and get me if he wants me back," Harley smiled to herself. Ivy sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

"Any good gossip?" Ivy closed her eyes.

Harley giggled, "Do I ever?"

Ivy yawned, "Spit it out girl."

"Ok, so Ozzie has been eying some girl at the Iceberg, no one knows who yet though, Croc got thrown back into jail, and you're seeing someone."

Ivy spit out her drink, "WHAT?"

Harley sat back smiling smugly, "Told ya so."

Ivy glared at her, "Why would you think that?"

Harley giggled, "One, you are tired, you are never tired unless you have someone over. Two, you went home early last night, Selina and I weren't even done partying. Three, I could have sworn I heard you talking to someone else this morning, unless you were talking to your plants again. And four, I checked your text messages and phone calls. Harvey Dent? Seriously?"

"HARLEY!" Ivy screamed and lunged at her friend, "HOW DARE YOU GO THROUGH MY THINGS!" Harley sunk down into the couch.

"Gee Red, I though we were best friends," Harley whispered, "I thought we told each other everything."

Ivy fumed, "It is MY private life. It does NOT concern you. I do NOT have to tell YOU anything." Ivy stopped and looked down at her feet. She sighed.

Harley looked at her best friend, "Red? Are... are you ok?" She put a hand on her friend's shoulder. Ivy sat back up and looked at Harley.

"I feel bad."

"Why?"

"I should have told you before. I was… I didn't want to tell you."

Harley sat back.

"Harl, you're still my best friend."

"That's good. 'Cuz you're still mine." Harley grinned.

Ivy stared at her, "You mean you're not mad at me?"

"What? No, you probably needed sometime to figure him out. Oh, what's he like?"

"He's so charming. And funny. He listens. He cares. Two-Face might be a jackass, but Harvey is... sweet..."

Harley giggled, "Sounds like someone's got it bad for Harvey 'Two-Face' Dent." Ivy smiled and shoved a pillow in her face.

"Shut your mouth," Ivy grinned and hugged Harley, "Thanks for cheering me up."

Harley hugged her back, "I'm your BBF, and it's what I'm supposed to do. Anyways, you coming to the party Ozzie is throwing tonight?"

Ivy cocked her head, "Party?"

Harley nodded, "Yeah he's throwing a party. New Year's Eve party. You know the fun one where we stay up until midnight and-"

"Yes Harley. I know. Yeah, I guess I'll come," Ivy said, "So... how long are you planning on staying here?"

Harley thought, "Well, until puddin' comes to get more or if anything else comes up."

Ivy sighed, "That's nice dear." Harley looked at her. Ivy was looking at the coffee table.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Harley asked.

"Hmmmm? Oh nothing," Ivy snapped out of her trance, "I guess I-" Ivy's phone buzzing in the next room. Ivy got up and grabbed her phone and flipped it open.

"Hello? Selina? Um… yes. Yes I do. Well I have Harley over…. Yeah. No… Yeah… Sure! You bet! See you then. Alright, bye Selina."

Harley flipped over the couch, "So…. who was that?"

"Selina. She wanted to know if I had an extra room for her. Her landlord kicked her out."

Harley did a cartwheel, "YAY! We're all gonna be sharing the same apartment! It'll be like in college!"

Ivy sighed and turned back to her room, Harley following. Ivy grabbed her coat and turned to Harley.

"Get your jacket. We're going to help Selina pack and move."

Harley stopped in her tracks and whined, "Awwwww Red! Come on! Do we have to? Packing things up is soooo boring!"

Ivy growled, "Harley, do you want me to get mad again?"

Harley cringed, "No m'am."

Ivy smiled, "Good. Let's go."

They walked outside and hailed a cab. Ivy gave the driver the address.

Harley looked out the window humming a song. Ivy looked out the other window thinking about last night. Another smile creped along her face. They reached Selina's apartment. Ivy paid the driver and they walked up to Selina's apartment. Harley knocked at the door.

"Kitty? Hello?"

Selina opened the door, "Hi girls and thanks for coming on such short notice!"

Harley smiled and picked up one of Selina's cats, "No problem Kitty. It's gonna be so much fun having you live with us!"

Selina smirked.

"That reminds me, Harley, why are you living with Ivy?"

Harley sighed, "Why does everyone care so much? Mista J is mad at me again because I missed the punch line of his joke."

"Guy can't take a joke if you ask me," Ivy grinned. She and Selina giggled.

Harley glared at Ivy, "Yeah well Red is sleeping with Harvey."

Selina and Ivy gasped.

"Harley! That's it! You're going to find somewhere else to sleep tonight," Ivy roared.

"Red! Red, I'm sorry!"

Ivy snarled and began walking to Selina's bathroom to put the few items into a bag. Selina looked at Harley.

"Harvey Dent, Harvey? Two-Face, Harvey?" Harley nodded.

"Yep, Harvey Two-Face Dent."

Selina whistled, "Wow. Poor girl. She's got to be desperate."

"I know… I think she's being forced against her own will to sleep with him."

"I CAN HEAR YOU BACK HERE!" Ivy screamed from the back room.

Harley winced.

Selina whispered, "Let's just keep packing."

"She's gonna be fun to deal with, "Harley added. An hour later they loaded all of Selina's stuff into a cab.

Ivy sighed as Selina got into the cab. All three girls were sitting in the back, Ivy was in the middle. The ride was quiet for the first few minutes then Harley piped up, "You don't have too much stuff Selina."

"No, staying on the run from the Bat keeps me with few valuables," Selina responded. They reached Ivy's apartment. Again, Ivy paid the driver. They gathered all of Selina's bags and walked up the stairs. Ivy pouted, 'Why did I have to pay the driver again?"

"'Cuz we love ya Red," Harley reassured. Ivy unlocked the door to the apartment.

"You guys are gonna need keys," Ivy noted. Ivy showed Selina to her room and told Harley where she could put her stuff. While Selina and Harley were getting settled Ivy sat on the couch. Her phone buzzed. She checked the caller ID. It was a text message from Harvey. She grinned and flipped open her phone. She read it:

'_Hey babe. Miss you already. You gonna go to the party at the iceberg tonight? I think you should. ;) ttyl' _

Ivy began a new message and began typing:

'_Hey sexay, lol, yeah Harl is dragging me and Selina 2 the party. I'll see u there. I miss you too!'_

She set her phone back down and tapped her foot waiting for the response. Finally her phone buzzed. She flipped it open:

'_Alright. I'll see u then babe. Love you.'_

Ivy smiled and sighed. Harley walked out into the living room she collapsed on the couch.

Ivy looked at her. "All the unpacking tire you?" she teased.

Harley stuck her tongue out at Ivy, "We gonna get over to the party soon?"

Ivy snorted, "And do what? The party doesn't begin for another 4 hours."

Selina strolled back into the room petting one of her cats, "We could go shopping for new outfits for the party tonight and maybe get a late lunch, or coffee."

Harley thought, "Yeah. Yeah. I'm up for that."

Ivy grumbled, "Fine, but if I have to pay for any more cab fairs, then you guys are paying the rent."

Selina laughed, "We'll split costs."

Ivy agreed, "Deal."

The girls got ready to go and headed down the stairs. They hailed a cab and headed to the Gotham City Mall. They got some coffee. They went into every clothes and shoe store. Ivy made three new copies of her house key. When they finally finished they each had a new outfit and they were finally ready to go back home. They hailed another cab. Ivy once again got to sit in the middle.

"I just want to say, every time you guys force me to sit in the middle the pissier I get," Ivy complained. Harley and Selina just laughed.

* * *

"I've never heard of anyone shopping until they drop. I feel exhausted," Harley moaned.

"If anyone expects me to stay up until 12:00 they are wrong, wrong, wrong," Selina announced.

They reached the apartment and got out. They all rushed to the only bathroom in the apartment and started to do their make-up and hair. Soon they were ready to head to the Iceberg. They went back downstairs and hailed a cab.

"You know, I have never been up and down those stairs so many times in one day. Or hailed so many cabs. This is crazy," Ivy giggled.

Selina looked at Harley who was looking out the window with a sad expression.

"Harl, you ok?"

Harley turned, "Oh yeah… I guess I'm just scared to face Mista J tonight."

"Tell you what, you will have either Ivy or I at your side all night."

"Thanks guys," Harley smiled.

They reached the Iceberg and walked in. Ivy smiled, Ozzie always managed to make the place look so beautiful. The giant floating iceberg in the center had the assortment of penguins on it. Ivy looked around and saw many of the Rogues she called friends. Jervis with his girlfriend Alice, Eddie at the bar flirting with some girls, who did not seem the least bit interested, and Ozzie talking with some of Gotham's richest. She turned her gaze to the corner where most of the Rogues hung out when they came to the club. In the darkened corner there sat Jack, Jonathan, and Harvey.

* * *

Harvey and Jonathan had tears in their eyes. Jack was trying to have his drink come out of his nose but realized too late that Harvey had put hot sauce in it.

Harvey laughed, "My God Jack! You need some water?"

Then the laughter began again.

Jack growled, "Shut the hell up. That hurt dammit! Where the hell did you get this hot sauce anyway?"

Jonathan stopped laughing for a second, "You should be amazed! You can find anything at these tables! Salt, pepper, soy sauce, hot sauce, sweet and sour! I'm amazed!"

Jack snarled, "Harv remind me to thank Ozzie later… by kicking his ass."

Harvey began laughing again.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Jack stood up and grabbed Harvey by his coat lapels, "You're as bad as my goddamn hyenas!"

Harvey put his hands up in surrender.

"Alright Jack, easy," Harvey said. He poured himself another glass of sparkling cider. Jonathan, Jack, and Harvey all have a strange addiction to sparkling cider. He looked up and saw Ivy looking around. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Ivy tried not to run over to the table, so coolly she walked over and took a seat next to Harvey. Jack grinned.

"So Pammy, I hear you are Harv are sleeping together!" Jack laughed.

Harvey winced.

Ivy sneered, "Watch it clown. You've already pissed me off."

Jack opened his mouth, "How?"

"Harley is over at my house," Ivy retorted.

Harvey took her hand and held it. Ivy smiled at him.

"I heard Selina is also bunking with you?" Jonathan added.

"Yep. Hours and hours of fun," Ivy joked.

Eddie walked over to their table.

"Happy New Year right folks?" he snickered as he took a seat next to Jonathan.

Harvey sneered, "It won't be a party until some ass runs around naked like last year."

The table burst out in laughter.

Ivy giggled, "Boy, Ozzie was sure pissed, called the cops and everything."

"I'll say, I've never seen Gotham's finest get here so fast," Jack laughed.

Ivy kissed Two-Face's cheek, "I'll be back later; I have to go check on Harley," she glared at Jack and got up.

Harvey smirked at Jack. Ivy headed off to the other side of the room where Selina was flirting with Bruce Wayne her on and off boyfriend.

"Selina, where's Harley?"

Selina looked around, "She's not with you?"

Ivy growled, "Selina."

Selina looked at Bruce and smiled, "Ivy why can't you take care if this?"

Ivy looked at her, "I hope you can find somewhere to sleep tonight because you sure as hell aren't sleeping in my house!"

"Fine. Let's go find her. Bathrooms maybe?"

Ivy's phone buzzed with a new text message.

"Dear God. I'm just gonna turn this off," Ivy grumbled. She checked her message. "What the hell!" She stormed back over to the guys' table and there sat Harley on the Joker's lap.

"Oh hell no!" Ivy fumed, "Harleen what do you think you are doing?"

"Umm…. Getting back with puddin'?"

Jack grinned.

Ivy sat down next to Harvey, "Why do I bother?"

Harvey kissed her hand, "Can't win 'em all babe."

Ivy sighed.

Eddie piped up, "Does anyone have the time?"

"7:58," Jonathan stated.

"Where's that streaker when you need him?" Jack laughed.

The rest of the table laughed.

"Jervis, you are going to record it this year right?" Jack laughed.

Jervis rolled his eyes.

Harvey took another sip of beer, "Anyone got any good time passers?"

Harley giggled, "Truth or Dare."

"Extreme," Jack added.

Alice grinned, "This could be fun. Who's going first?"

Harley stood up, "Ohh! Ohh! Me! Me! Red, Truth or Dare?"

"Ummmm… dare?" Ivy smirked as she moved up to sit on Harvey's lap to make room for the other people.

Harley thought, "Ok, I dare you to make out with…. Jonathan."

Jonathan's eyes widened, Ivy gasped, and Harvey spit out his beer.

"Seriously?" Harvey questioned.

"Yeppers!"

"Ooh! Feeling jealousy huh Harv?" Jack teased.

"You won't feel anything with my foot up your ass," Two-Face snarled viciously.

"Wow. Temper, temper." Jack retorted.

Two-Face glared at Jack, "Shut up clown."

"Just kiss her Jonny."

"No."

"It's truth or dare. It's just a game."

"How would you like me to kiss Harley?"

Ivy hit Harvey, "No!"

"I'm just asking. I wouldn't kiss Harley."

"Why? She too good for you?"

Two-Face snarled, "I said watch it."

Suddenly Ivy yelped.

Harvey looked at her, "What?"

"Jack just squeezed my leg!"

Two-Face stood up and was going to punch Jack. Jack stood up and gave Harvey a phony smile. Ivy and Harley yelped and tried to calm their boyfriend's down.

Harley whined, "Let's just pass. Anyone want to do one?"

Jack grinned, "Oh yes! Pammy, truth or dare?"

"Why does everyone keep choosing me?" Ivy grumbled.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to make out with me."

"THAT'S IT! NOW I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS." Two-Face shot up and grabbed Jack. Harley screamed.

"Kick his ass Harvey!" Ivy commented from the side.

Jack yelped as Two-Face grabbed his coat lapels and was in the process of dragging him cross the table. The entire club became very quiet and the attention was focused on Jack and Harvey.

Oswald ran over and screamed, "STOP IT! STOP IT! OR YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE!"

Ivy got up and wrapped her arm around Harvey's arm and led him back to the table.

"Wow. This was a horrible idea." Jonathan snorted.

Harley stuck her tongue out at him.

Jack sat back at the table, "I agree, this was a horrible idea."

Harley pouted, "Sorry Mista J."

"It's alright Pooh, I'm not mad at you."

Selina walked over, "Sounds like you guys are having fun. Ivy I'm going to go home with Bruce tonight."

Everyone at the table "oo'ed". Selina blushed and told everyone goodbye, then she and Bruce left.

* * *

"My God. How long have we been playing this?" Eddie whined.

"Why? You got somewhere you gotta be?" Jack questioned.

"What's the time now?" Harley asked.

Alice checked her phone, "8:34."

Oswald walked over, "My fellow Rogues, would some of you like to accompany me in a poker game?"

"Only if it's strip." Jack laughed.

Ivy glared at him which shut him up.

* * *

"Wow, what's it been? Three games? And you're still losing." Harvey laughed at Eddie's comment. Jack moped in the corner.

"Oh I fold. This is pointless. I'm not having any luck."

Harley giggled and hugged Jack, "Awww, puddin' not everything is lost. Ya have me back."

Jack sighed, "Yeah."

"Time?" Harvey asked.

Ivy tried to stifle her yawn, "10: 49."

"Thank God. I'm so tired right now. I think I drank too much."

"Me too. Except for the drinking part."

Harvey smiled at her. Harley tapped her foot on the floor.

"So now what do we do?"

Harvey yawned, "How 'bout something that doesn't require thinking."

"I agree," Jervis answered.

Ivy laughed, "Does anyone have any more good stories about Jack in high school?"

Jack moaned, "Why must they always be about me?"

"Because the rest of us didn't do anything that good," Jonathan claimed.

Harvey spoke up, "I got one. Once upon a time in high school Jonathan and I got Jack to ask five different girls out to homecoming. They all agreed then on homecoming night-"

"Sounds like a horror story," Jack mumbled.

"Yeah Jack. Then they all killed you. But you were resurrected. Many congrats on that. Anyway. On homecoming night you waited outside the school and me and Jonathan watched you from inside wait out front for and hour and a half before you realized all of the girls had stood you up."

Jack sunk down in his seat, "Yeah, bring up the embarrassing times."

Harley yawned, "I got one. Not about puddin' though. One time in college I got so drunk didn't make it to my dorm room and ended up passing out in the hallway in front of the dorm monitor's room. Unfortunately, I had my shirt and pants off."

Everyone laughed.

Jack started laughing crazily, "Harv! Tell them about the time we got wasted and we went to that one bar."

Two-Face growled, "No. Shut up."

"Oh damn! It's so funny! Jonathan you remember? With uh… what's her name "Nancy"?"

Jonathan spit out his drink and began laughing, "Oh God! Yes!"  
"Well, now we can't pass it up," Eddie smiled, "Harvey, do share."

"No." Two-Face snapped, "Have someone else tell it."

Jack wiped a tear from his eye, "I will. One time in 12th grade we went out to celebrate passing finals, Well, after like 12 beers, we were all seeing things and we weren't sure how we were gonna get home. We were all sitting at a bar and this person walks up to Harvey and they start talking, A few minutes maybe like 20 minutes pass, and I look over to ask Harvey something and he and uh "Nancy" are making out. I guess Harvey didn't notice, but it was a dude in drag."  
Harvey buried hid hand under his arms.

"He seemed to be enjoying it too," Jack added. The table roared with laughter. Ivy smiled and wrapped her arm around Harvey's.

Jack smirked, "Prepare yourselves, I have more."

"I never knew how many good stories you guys had," Eddie spoke.

Ivy laughed, "I liked the one when Jack couldn't flip the cup. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to do that Jack."

"Keep your comments to yourself or by the end of the night your hair won't be the only thing that is red."

Two-Face glared at him, "Watch it Jack."

"Whatever."

"Time?" Harvey whined.

Jervis sighed, "11:30."

"Gah!"

"30 more minutes until the New Year!" Harley squealed.

Ozzie sighed, "So I take it everyone is out of ideas?"

"Too tired, "Harvey responded.

"Let's watch TV. They should be programming people all around the states celebrating."

Harvey kissed Ivy's neck. Ivy smiled.

"Harley and Selina know about us."

Harvey just sat there, Ivy felt him tense for a second. He said nothing.

He turned to her, "You told them?"

"Not exactly… Harley guessed and then she told Selina."

"Ah. Well, at least they know."

One of the barmaids, Holly, went around and handed everyone a champagne glass and poured them drinks.

Ozzie stood up, "To the New Year, may it be wonderful and exciting, and everything turns for the better."

Jack stood, "And for one of us to finally finish off the Bat. Cheers."

Everyone laughed and clinked glasses. They drank to the New Year.

Harley squealed, "10 seconds!"

The fireworks on the TV exploded and the time read 12:00.

Jervis kissed Alice, Harley grabbed Jack and pushed him back into the booth, Jonathan and Eddie looked at each other awkwardly, and Harvey put his arm around Ivy and pulled her in for a kiss.

She smiled and whispered in his ear, "I have the house to myself tonight."

Harvey smiled and kissed her again.

FIN


	2. TOO TIRED

I cannot believe how many of these things are just collecting dust in my hard-drive. WHERE THEY BELONG. HA! ;)

* * *

TOO TIRED

* * *

Outside the Iceberg Harvey and Ivy tried to hail a cab with no luck. Ivy smiled and huddled closer to Harvey.

"I'm tired," she mumbled, "And cold."

"Yeah, me too, let's try to get this one." Harvey waved his hands. The cab pulled over to the side. The two quickly got into the car. Ivy told the driver the address. They reached the house and went inside. Ivy kicked off her boots and fell backwards onto the couch.

Harvey smiled and sat down next to her, "Too tired to make it into bed?"

"Harv, I'm passed tired. I feel wasted," Ivy moaned. He brushed her hair out of her face. He yawned and let his head fall back on the couch. Ivy looked up.

"I'm feeling some kind of energy," she got up and pulled Harvey up.

"Where are we going?"

"Bed. Sleep."

"Ah. Fun." Ivy pulled him to the bedroom and flopped face down on the bed. Harvey took off his coat and put it on the chair in front of Ivy's vanity. Harvey sat on the bed and stroked her leg.

"Tired?"

"I already answered that," she moaned pulling her leg away. Ivy sat up and pulled Harvey down next to her. Harvey smirked and kissed her lips.

"How tired?"

"No." Ivy laid back down.

"Pammy."

"No." Ivy looked up and saw Harvey was making a pout face.

"I said no." Harvey laughed and pulled her closer. He put his arms around her waist.

"Pammy…" he whispered in her ear, "I'm not that tired."

Ivy began to make fake snoring noises. Harvey rolled his eyes.

"You don't want to get into your pajamas?"

Ivy whispered in growl, "Harvey, you can take my clothes off and dress me if you want, but I am not getting up damn it."

Harvey got up. Ivy sat up and made a puppy-dog face.

"Harvey…." She whined, "I'm cold."

"Get under the covers then."

Ivy glared at him, "Why the hell aren't you tired?"

"I am a night owl my dear. I'm used to this." He made his way for the door.

Ivy sighed and pulled herself up; she wrapped her arms around Harvey's waist.

"I'm sorry."

Harvey sighed, "You can go to bed if you want."

"Well…. What are you going to do?"

Harvey remained quiet, "I don't know…."

Ivy rolled her eyes, "Get in bed."

"Fine. But at least get into your pajamas."

Ivy giggled, "Fine, but then you can't wear anything."

Harvey laughed, "Fine, screw the clothes."

Ivy cheered, "Yay!" Ivy stood on her tip toes and kissed Harvey. Harvey smiled.

"Not quiet sure what you want right now are you?"

Ivy yawned, "Nope! Not a clue! But I do know I'm at least going to take off your shirt."

"Alright come on." He picked Ivy up and set her back in bed. Ivy grabbed his tie and pulled his face to hers. She kissed him. Harvey sat on the bed and Ivy kneeled in front of him. She loosened his tie and slipped it off and threw it across the room. She unbuttoned the first few buttons on Harvey's shirt.

"I give up," Ivy rubbed her eyes, "Buttons aren't good for me now. Take off your shirt Harvey."

Harvey laughed and unbuttoned the rest of the buttons. He handed her his shirt.

"Pretend I took off your shirt," Ivy smiled she threw his shirt across the room. She started to take off her shirt but dropped backwards before she could. Harvey laughed and got on top of her.  
"Night babe." Harvey kicked off his shoes and pulled Ivy's shirt off the rest of the way. He picked her up and put her under the covers. Ivy rolled onto her side. Harvey slide in next to her. He kissed her forehead.

Ivy buried her head into Harvey's arm, "Night sexy."

Harvey smirked and closed his eyes.

FIN


	3. BLONDES ARE KINDA HOT

What in the hell was I thinking. Awwwhhh, maaaan. DX

* * *

BLONDES ARE KINDA HOT

* * *

Ivy looked up and yawned. She looked at herself. Where was her shirt? Harvey must have taken it off. Harvey. She rolled over and saw Harvey. Still asleep. Not for long. Ivy leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. He blinked his eyes open.

"Your phone wake you up?"

"Mmmm, no I just woke up."

"Ah. What's the time?"

"Somewhere between 8 and 10."

Harvey looked at the clock, "9:04."

"I was close," Ivy buried her face into her pillows.

Harvey smiled and kissed her hand, "You gonna get up?"

"Mmmmm no."

"Why?"

"Tired."

"You said that last night. You got over 8 eight hours of sleep."

"Hmmm, too bad."

Harvey rubbed her shoulder, "I'm gonna get up."

"But then I'll be cold."

"Get up then."

"Carry me?"

Harvey rolled his eyes, "C'mere."

Ivy sat up and put her arms around Harvey's neck. He lifted her up and struggled to open the door. Ivy nuzzled his neck. He laid her down on the couch.

Ivy pulled him in for another kiss, "Did you take my shirt off last night?"

"Yes I did."

"Where is it?"

"Floor area. With my shirt and tie."

Ivy pulled Harvey onto the couch and pushed him backwards. She crawled on top of him and kissed him. She was going to kiss him again when she heard a key in the lock of her door. Ivy grabbed a pillow and blocked her chest.

Selina walked in the apartment, "Oh… wow… uh sorry guys. Didn't know what you were uh doing." Selina put her hand to her eyes, "I just came to grab a change of clothes and check on Harlow and Isis. Bruce and I are going to be hanging out today. I'll be back later." Selina walked back into her room and grabbed a change of clothes and some toiletries.

"I'll see you later Ivy. Bye Harvey."

Harvey waved from the couch and Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose.

Harvey laughed after she left, "That was awkward."

"Yes. It was. Where's my shirt?"

Harvey got up and headed into the bedroom. Ivy sighed, why bother putting her shirt back on? She was going to put on new clothes later. She slipped off her pants and headed into her bedroom. She hugged Harvey from behind.

"What the hell…." Harvey turned around, "Oh wow…"

Ivy leaned up and kissed him, "I figured I'd just go change into my new clothes."

"Smart, right. I uh… don't have new clothes."

Ivy smiled and kissed his cheek, "Let's go get some then."

Harvey put his shirt back on and Ivy slipped on a new pair of pants. Harvey fixed his tie and put on his coat. She put a new shirt on and fixed her make-up. He looked into Ivy's vanity and slicked Harvey's hair back and messed Two-Face's hair up. Harvey slipped on his shoes. Ivy snuck into Selina's room and grabbed a pair of Selina's many boots.

"You ready?" Ivy asked.

"Yep."

They walked downstairs and got into cab. When they reached Harvey's house Harvey opened the door and let them in. Ivy sat on the couch and Harvey went to go change his clothes. He walked back down.

"So what do you wanna do today?"

Ivy shrugged, "Wanna go get breakfast?"

"Sure."

There was a knock on the door. Harvey opened it.

"Red!" Harley pushed through Harvey and ran to her best friend.

Ivy blankly hugged her friend back. Jack looked at Harvey and Harvey looked at Jack.

"How'd you know we were at my house?" Harvey asked.

"We called the home phone and got no response. So we figured you came here," Jack shrugged.

"Anyways. Red, me and my puddin' were wondering if you and Harvey wanted to go out to breakfast with us."

Harvey laughed, "Really 'puddin''? You wanted us to come?"

"Shut the hell up Harvey. I just want food."

Ivy smiled, "What place are you thinking?"

"I think we should go to the Iceberg and hangout," Jack responded.

"I thought it didn't open until like after noon," Harvey commented.

"That's what Ozzie wants you to think. But he goes there early and does stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Possibly he counts his money. Or gets drunk. Or buries dead bodies. Or flirts with the waitresses. Or something… secretive."

Harvey raised his eyebrow, "Alright…"

"He does I swear. Anyway, if we pound on the door for at least 30 minutes he lets us in."

"You know from previous experience?"

"Yeah. I drug Jonathan with me."

"Where the hell was I?"

"With your girlfriend."

"Oh," Harvey sighed disappointed.

"Ahem!" Ivy put her hands on her hips.

"Aww, I love ya Pammy. You don't have to worry," Harvey slipped his arms around her waist.

"Mhmm," Ivy smirked and kissed his cheek.

"So," Harley piped in, "You guys wanna go."

"Why not?" Ivy smiled, "Let's go."

The four headed outside and hailed a cab. They got in and headed to the Iceberg. When they arrived outside the club Harvey noticed Jonathan outside sitting on the pavement against the building.

"Why the hell did you guys force me to show up?" Jonathan growled.

Harvey stared at Jack. Jack smiled slyly and shrugged.

Jonathan glared at Jack, "What Jack?"

"I thought you might want breakfast." Jack walked up to the door and started slamming his fist on the window.

"Ozzie! Open the door!" Jack yelled.

Oswald walked by the door and pointed down the street.

"What?" Jack turned to Harvey, "Is he pointing to something?" He looked down the street, "I don't see anything…" He banged his hand against the door, "Ozzie! I don't see anything!"

Oswald pulled out his keys and ripped open the door, "Mr. Napier go HOME! You are not allowed here before hours!" He looked behind Jack and noticed the rest of the group, "Oh, Mr. Dent, Dr. Crane, Miss Isley and Miss Quinn, please come in. Are you hungry?"

Harvey laughed and walked in the door with Ivy, "Tough luck Jack."

Ivy stuck her tongue out at Jack; Crane walked by and didn't even look at him.

Harley pouted, "Aw, c'mon Ozzie. Please? One more chance?"

"Miss Quinn, I've already given him two chances."

"How 'bout the three strikes rule?"

Jack and Harley both made pout faces.

"FINE! One more chance Jack. But I swear, if you do anything do my beloved coop again, you will not even be able to walk on the same street as the Iceberg. Understood?"

Jack ran inside, "You bet Ozzie!" Harley ran after him. The two took a seat next to the rest of the group. Ozzie walked over.

"If you want food go into the kitchen. I only trust Jonathan, Harvey, and Ivy. Harley and Jack if you two want something, have them bring it to you." He walked back to his office.

Jack grumbled something under his breath and got up.

"Er… where ya going Jack?" Harvey asked.

"To get food. Queen of green would poison my food if she had the chance. Jonathan is just cranky. And you…" He walked off.

Harvey got up and followed Jack, "And I?"

"I don't know. That's why I left."

"Ok yeah. That makes sense." Jonathan, Harley, and Ivy followed. They scavenged through the pantries and sat back at their table with all the food.

"It's like some magic feast… of dinner," Jack smirked.

After a few moments of silence Jack spoke again.

"Harvey, truth or dare?"

Harvey stared at him, "Seriously?"

"Yes."

Harvey flipped his coin, "Dare."

"You ready?"

"….no."

"Harvey, I dare you…" Jack paused.

"C'mon Jack, don't have all day."

"Now you know there is no backing out right?"

"Have I ever back out of a dare before?"

Jonathan snickered, "He hasn't."

"State your dare Jack."

"You promise you'll do it."

"Or else you can dropped me off at Arkham and I'll stay there… for a month."

Ivy sighed, "Harvey…"

"Don't worry. I'm going to do it."

Jack cleared his throat, "Harvey, I dare you to dye your hair blonde."

Harvey stared at him for a minute, then he began to laugh, "You're kidding right?"

Ivy raised her eyebrow, "Seriously?"

"It's why I asked you to come with me today," Jack smirked.

"You're kidding," Harvey laughed. He looked at Jack who shook his head.

"Jack. You're kidding." Harvey sighed.

"Arkham or blondie?"

"No. Jack. No. I am NOT dying my hair! Especially not blonde!"

Harley squeaked, "Excuse me!"

Harvey just shrugged, "Jack, do I really have to?"

"Harvey," Jack sighed, "This is the extreme dare. You must do it."

Ivy sighed, "I'm going to defend Harvey. I don't think he should do it."

"Thank you Pammy."

"On second thought… blondes are kind of hot..."

"Pammy!" Harvey whined.

"Mmmm, Jack get him to do it," Ivy giggled.

"Jonathan, help me out," Harvey pleaded.

"Mmmmm, don't do it," Jonathan shrugged.

"Wow. That's helpful," Harvey sighed.

Jack laughed, "If I throw in $222 will you do it?"

Harvey thought, "Uh, sure."

Jack jumped up, "Seriously!"

"Yeah. It'll only last for awhile."

Jack pulled out his wallet and gave Harvey exactly $222.

Harvey took the money and counted it, "So… where do I get it done?"

FIN


	4. BLONDE

It continues. ehhhhehehehhh...

* * *

BLONDE

* * *

Ivy hugged Harvey closer as she opened the door to her apartment.

"I can't believe you're actually going to dye your hair…"

"Hell, me either…"

Ivy pulled Harvey to the couch and she sat down and shook her hair, "C'mere you."

Harvey laughed and sat down next to her. He kissed her cheek.

"I promised Jack I'd call him as soon as we got home. I need to ask him when I'm getting it done."

Ivy smiled and slid her fingers threw Harvey's hair. Harvey got up and walked into the kitchen and called Jack. Ivy sat flopped backwards on the couch. She blew out some air and looked at the ceiling. Her door's lock was being unlocked again. Selina opened the door.

"You guys good?" Selina joked.

Ivy rolled her eyes, "Yes."

Selina flopped on the couch next to Ivy, "So, what's new?"

"Jack dared Harvey to dye his hair."

"Oh my God. What color?"

"Blonde."

Selina laughed, "Is he really doing it?"

"He says so," Ivy smirked, "How is Bruce?"

Selina rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Don't bring him up. Once again forgetting our dinner plans for "more important" things."

Ivy smiled and patted Selina's leg. Harvey walked back in the room.

"So what's the news?" Ivy asked.

"I'm getting it done tomorrow. Hey Selina."

Selina gave him a quick wave, "Hello. So Harvey, you gonna be living with us?"

Harvey laughed, "I don't know, Pammy hasn't er, brought it up."

Ivy blushed. Selina put her hand to her mouth.

"Oops, sorry Ivy."

"That's ok." The three sat in silence for awhile.

"You guys gonna go to the Iceberg tonight?" Selina asked.

"What's going on at the Iceberg tonight?" Ivy questioned.

"Nothing. A few Rogues are all getting together to go get drunk."

Harvey laughed, "Sounds like fun."

* * *

Ivy woke up on the bathroom floor. The floor was freezing. Why was she here? Why did she not remember last night? What was going on? She looked up groggily and saw Selina lying on the floor next to her, she was snoring a bit. Harley was passed out in the bathtub. Wait a sec- where was Harley's shirt? Why was Selina here? She moaned and put her hand to her head. She swallowed and tasted bile. She was still wearing her clothes from last night. What the hell? She elbowed Selina. Selina snored then rolled to her other side. She saw the hallway light turn on. She covered her eyes with her hand to block the light. Harvey poked his head in the door. Ivy whimpered and laid back down.  
"Hey Pammy." He kneeled on the floor next to Ivy.

Ivy moaned, "What happened?"

"You girls got really drunk and I had to bring you all home. How do you feel?"

Ivy put her head on Harvey's legs, "I feel like I'm going to throw up."

"I thought I drank a lot. Damn, you were like a water drain."

Ivy frowned, "How do you feel?"

"I feel fine. I don't get very bad hangovers."

Ivy glared at him and kicked Selina. Selina groaned and rolled onto her back. She opened her eyes and stared at Ivy.

"What?" Selina moaned.

"How do you feel?" Ivy asked.

"I feel sick and vomity."  
"Is vomity even a word?" Harvey asked.

"No. But its how I feel." Selina looked up at Harley, "Someone should wake her up if I'm up."

Ivy got up and turned on the tub's faucet. Harley sat up and screamed.

"OH MY HOLY DEAR GOD!" Harley yelled.

"Morning sleeping beauty," Ivy smiled turning off the faucet.

Harley groaned and got up, she began to whine. Harvey handed her a towel.

Harley looked down, "Uh, where the hell is my shirt?"

"You gave it to Jack as I was dragging you guys into the cab," Harvey responded.

"So Harvey, you excited for today?" Selina asked.

"I suppose," Harvey shrugged.

"Blonde. I can't believe it. You know what everyone says. Dumb blondes," Selina commented.

Harley cleared her throat, "Excuse me!"

"Sorry Harley."

Ivy's door buzzed. The girls moaned. Harvey got up and pressed the door's button. He unlocked the front door and sat back down in the bathroom. A few minutes later Jack burst in the door followed by Jonathan.

"You had to kick the damn door?" Ivy growled.

"Yeah. It's in my nature." Jack grinned.

Ivy frowned and collapsed back onto Harvey. Harley stood up the best she could and threw her arms around Jack.

"Puddin'!"

Jack patted her on the back.

Ivy rolled her eyes, "Why are you here?"

"Harvey you ready to go?"

"Yeah. But what are we gonna do with the girls?"

"I think we can handle," Ivy kissed Harvey's leg.

Harvey smiled, "If you're sure…"  
"Go out with your friends and dye your hair. I'm scared for you."

"I'm scared for myself."

Ivy giggled and kissed his cheek, "Go. It'll be… fine."

Harvey smiled sadly, "Thanks Pammy."

Ivy elbowed Selina, who had fallen asleep again, "Wakey, wakey kitty."

Selina hissed. Ivy rolled her eyes and looked at Harley. Ivy yawned and stood up. She grasped for Harvey. Harvey grabbed her and smiled. Ivy smirked.

"I think I'm just gonna lay back down."

Harvey helped Ivy back down to the floor. Ivy curled up next to Selina.

Jack pried Harley off of him, "Let's go Harv."

Harley sunk back onto the ground falling asleep on Ivy. Harvey followed after Jack and Jonathan.

* * *

They arrived at hair salon. Harvey followed after Jack and Jonathan was behind Harvey. The girls at the reception desk stared at them, but not for long, this was Gotham. This was normal. Jack walked up to the girl at the front desk.

"Hello there. We are here for Harvey Dent's appointment."

Harvey frowned and looked at Jonathan. Jonathan patted him on the back.

The girl at the desk stuttered, "Um, uh, yeah… please come this way. Sophia is free right now. Please, um follow me."

All three guys followed the receptionist to the back of the salon.

"Uh hi Sophia, are you free right now?" She asked a short girl with short black hair who was brushing up some hair around her station.

"Sure," the girl responded still cleaning. She looked up and gasped. She put her hand on her mouth.

"Uh, Lisa, look behind you!"

"Yeah, you're doing a dye."

Sophia stared at her and then began to laugh, "You're kidding right?"

Lisa shook her head. Sophia gulped, "Alright then," she turned towards the guys, "So, what am I doing?"

Jack stepped forward, "You are dyeing my friend Harvey's hair blonde."

Harvey ran his fingers through his brown hair for the last time for awhile.

Sophia nodded, "Please sit down sir."

Harvey frowned and sat down.

Jack laughed, "You look so happy!"

Sophia looked at his hair, "Blonde huh?"

"I lost a bet," Harvey whined.

Sophia laughed, "I see. Your hair is so nice. Too bad you have to dye it."

Harvey closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Sophia put a towel around Harvey's shoulders and slipped on some gloves, "You ready?"

"Please make it painless," Harvey whined.

Jack laughed, "Harvey you're an amazing friend."

"Jack, I hate you."

* * *

Ivy sat on the couch tapping her foot. She sighed and looked at the ceiling. Selina was in her bedroom talking to Bruce. Ivy could hear a lot of yelling. She heard the door buzz. Ivy jumped up and pressed the button. She paced in front of the door. She heard a knock. She ripped on the door. Harvey had half his hair blonde, and Two-Face's side was still white. He gave her a goofy grin and ran his fingers through his hair. Ivy gaped at him and put her hand to her mouth.

"Oh my God Harvey."

"I know," he walked into the house.

Ivy giggled and followed him, "I think it's kind of hot."

"Oh God Pammy," he sighed, "Don't say that."

"How many people have seen your hair so far?"

"Me, you, Jack, and Jonathan."

"We have to show Selina," she took Harvey's hand and pulled him to the hallway out in front of Selina's room. Ivy knocked on the door.

"Oh you really think so Bruce! Well I'll tell you what; you can go- hold on. What do you want Ivy?"

Ivy shook her head, "Selina you need to see this!"

"Come in."

Ivy opened the door and pulled Harvey in the room. Selina stared at Harvey.

"Oh shit…," she began to laugh, "Bruce I'll call you later. Yeah, whatever. Bye. Ass. What? I didn't say anything. Seriously! Bye Brucie." She hung up and stuck her tongue at her phone. She looked back up at Harvey, "Wow Harvey. Sexy."

Harvey sighed, "Yeah I know."

"So, how's Bruce?" Ivy asked.

"God. He says he sorry for ditching our plans and wants to make it up, again. So he wants to come and pick me up later if nothing comes up. And I said I might have something going on so he began to go off. And then I yelled at him and then we were both yelling. So then he apologized again. So now he thinks he's coming over and picking me up."

"Wow. So much chick drama," Harvey joked.

Ivy sighed, "At least Harl and Jack are still together."

"Ivy! Don't jinx us!" Selina yelled.

"Sorry," Ivy cringed, "You gonna go with Bruce tonight?"

"I guess… I mean I have nothing better to do. No offense."

"None taken, "Ivy smiled.

"Besides you two probably want the house to yourselves tonight," Selina winked at Ivy.

Ivy smiled back. She did want the time alone. She had something planned.

Selina sighed, "I think I'm going to call Bruce back."

"Alright," Ivy pulled Harvey back to the hall. She pushed him against the wall and kissed him.

"Your hair is hot."  
"Really?"

"Yeah. It's making me feel frisky."

Harvey laughed, "Oh dear God…"

Ivy pulled Harvey towards the bedroom, "C'mere sexy."

They pulled each other into the bedroom. Ivy sat on the bed and shook her hair. She gave him a seductive smile. Harvey closed the door and pushed Ivy down and began to kiss her neck. Ivy began to unbutton Harvey's shirt. She kissed his jaw and pulled her shirt off. Harvey discarded his shirt on the floor. Ivy pushed Harvey back and undid his belt, she then did the button and zipper on his pants. Harvey undid the button and zipper on Ivy's pants. Ivy slipped off her jeans quickly while Harvey did the same. Ivy pulled back the covers and got under them. She squirmed around for a few seconds and then threw her bra across the room. She motioned for Harvey to get under the covers.

* * *

Selina filled her cats' food dishes and grabbed her purse from her dresser. She passed by Ivy's room. The door was shut. She knocked on it.

"Ivy, I'm going to meet Bruce for dinner I'll be back later!"

Ivy looked up from Harvey's chest to the door, "Alright, bye Selina."

"Bye guys!"

Ivy laid back onto Harvey. She absentmindedly stroked his chest. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"I love you babe."

"Same here."

They sat in silence for a few minutes then Ivy spoke.

"Harvey?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if maybe uh you wanted to move in with me."

"Pammy are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

"What about Selina?"

"I already asked her, she said yes."

Harvey grinned, "Yeah, I'd love to move in with you."

"I figured because we're pretty much spending every night together why not just move in?"

"Good idea."

"Thanks," Ivy giggled, "You know; now you're always going to be my slave of love."

"Oh jeez. Great. I can't wait," Harvey joked.

Ivy kissed him on the lips, "Neither can I."

FIN


	5. WEIGHT

I remember this one. I was gonna make Harley pregnant. But at that point, I was also terrified my family would stumble upon my files and wouldn't dare do such a thing!

... don't laugh at me. I was a good little 12-year-old! XP

* * *

WEIGHT

* * *

Harley sighed. The scale said 133. As it did the last week, and the week before that, and the week before that. But then why weren't her clothes fitting? She pouted and sat down on top of the toilet. She slipped on her pants and shirt. She shook her hair and looked in the mirror. She opened the door and flopped down on the couch. She looked at Jack who was sitting at the table scribbling furiously.

"No! No! No!" Jack shot up and ripped the paper in half.

Harley got up, "Puddin'?"

Jack angrily turned around, "What!"

Harley shrunk, "You alright?"

"Gah!" He threw his arms up and walked off.

Lou and Bud shrunk down into the corner.

"Um Puddin'?"

"WHAT NOW HARLEY?"

Harley cringed, "Um I'm gonna go over to Red's for a little bit…"

"Fine. Go. I don't care." He walked into the back room.

Harley whined and grabbed her purse. She left and hailed a cab.

* * *

Ivy sat at her vanity. She was wearing just her undergarments. Harvey sunk to the ground behind her and slipped his arms around her waist.

"You got up before me," Harvey yawned.

"Yeah, it's not very exciting when you're sleeping."

"Oh," he kissed her back, "Come back to bed."

"Are you going to pass out again?"

"No."

"Fine," Ivy got up and got into bed.

Harvey followed. Ivy put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"It's amazing. We were always interrupted by my phone, and now we have peace."

Harvey laughed, "Amazing."

They began to kiss again. Ivy heard someone running down the hallway.

"What the hell."

"Either Selina on crack or it's one of her cats," Harvey thought aloud.

Someone began to pound on the door. The door burst open. Ivy screamed and covered her chest. Harley ran in.

"What the hell Harley!"

"Red! I have something important!"

"Could it not wait?"

Harley noticed Harvey who was sinking into the covers.

"Oh… sorry Harvey," Harley blushed.

"Harley get out of the room and shut the door," Ivy growled.

"Yes Red," Harley backed out and shut the door. She walked down the hallway and into Selina's room.

"Whatcha doing?" Harley asked.

"Sitting here, texting Bruce."

"How fun."

Ivy walked into the room wearing a robe. She put her hands on her hips.

"What was so damn important?"

"Red. I gained weight."

Ivy stared at her, "Oh my God…"

Harley sniffed, "I know. I'm getting fat."

Selina put her hand to her mouth, "Harl, you aren't… you know."

"Dear God," Harley shook her head, "No Jack and I-"

"Hold on a sec Harl," Ivy interrupted. She walked into the hallway and pulled Harvey back into the room, "Look who was listening."

"I swear to God I wasn't. I overheard your conversation," Harvey objected.

"I'd believe it. You had your ear to the wall," Ivy crossed her arms.

"I think we should punish him," Selina smirked.

"No. Please. My hair is already blonde," Harvey pleaded running his fingers through his hair, "I've already been punished enough."

"Fine," Ivy spoke.

"Thank you girls," Harvey turned to the door, "I'll just leave you guys alone."

Ivy grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back in, "But you must sit here with us and listen to our gossip, if you want to hear it. No eavesdropping."

Harvey pouted and sat down next to Ivy on the floor.

"Anyway, I'm fat, yet my weight is still the same."

"What?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah, my clothes just don't fit anymore, these clothes I'm wearing now used to be two sizes too big. I'm still 133 pounds though."

"Wow. That is confusing."

Harley sniffed, "I want some ice cream."

Ivy patted Harley's leg, "I say we go to the Iceberg and get drunk."

Selina nodded, "I like that idea."

"Let's go then."

* * *

Harvey sighed and slowly took a drink of his beer. Harley was already drunk. He had texted Jonathan and Jack to please come to the Iceberg. There was only so much chick gossip he could take. Harvey noticed Jack and Jonathan had just arrived, he got up. Ivy held onto his arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Jonathan is here."

"Oh, see you later."

Jonathan and Jack were sitting at the bar talking with Holly. Harvey sat down next to Jonathan. Holly clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my God Harvey. Your hair…"

"Yeah I know. It's blonde."

Jack laughed, "He lost a bet."

"Oh wow… do you want something to drink?"

"Yeah. I'll take another beer."

"Why don't you get something fancy?" Jack asked.

"I'll order for you. Jack'll have a Flaming Dr. Pepper."

"No I will not."

Holly looked at Harvey and he nodded, she began to make it.

"Harvey, you're going to drink that."

"No, I'm blonde; you can get drunk as a dog."

Holly slid the drink in front of Jack, "Enjoy."

Jack shook his head, "No."

All three watched the flame on top of the drink dance.

Jack slid it in front of Jonathan, "You drink it."

"Mmmm no," Jonathan shook his head.

Jack picked it up and held it in front of Jonathan, "It's not gonna kill you."

"That's what you said about your first beer and look how you turned out."

Harvey laughed, "Ouch Jack."

"Fine. I'll drink the damn thing," Jack chugged the drink, "Damn. Tastes like Dr. Pepper."

"Wow Jack. I never would have guessed," Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"We'll take three more!" Jack shouted.

* * *

Harley giggled, "I think," she hiccupped, "I think I might be drunk!"

Ivy sighed, "For the last time, you are very, very drunk."

"Jack, you are an ASS!" Harley shouted to Jack at the bar.

Jack shrunk down at the bar.

"Another one Holly," Harvey patted Jack on the back.

"I wish she'd just shut up. She's been saying that for two damn hours."

"Well, you did admit to her that you've been shrinking her clothes to make her think she's fat."

"Oh for the love of God! I was doing it as a joke!"

"Hilarious joke," Jonathan took another sip of his Flaming Dr. Pepper that'd be been slowly drinking for at least 10 minutes.

Harley growled and started ripping through her purse.

"What are you looking for Harl?" Ivy asked.

"My caller thing. I think I left it at… at the place where I live… what's it called again?"

"Your house?"

"Yeah, that thing place," Harley mumbled, "I can't find it... Can I …I use… your calling thing?"

Ivy sighed, "Yeah. Promise me you'll text. Don't call. I don't think anyone could understand you over the phone."

Ivy handed Harley the phone and got up.

"I have to go to the bathroom, please don't do anything stupid. Please. Selina, watch her."

"No problem, Ivy."

Harley opened the phone and opened a new message; she rubbed her eye and looked through the contacts. She selected Jack. Or so she thought. She sent the message and took another sip of her drink.

* * *

Jack took another sip of his Flaming Dr. Pepper, "I think I need a smoke."

"No you don't," Harvey sighed, "Fight the urge."

"We don't need you dying of lung cancer," Jonathan laughed.

"Jonathan how much have you had to drink?" Harvey questioned.

"Just a few."

"How much a few? My kind of few or your kind of few?" Jack snickered.

"Harvey's kind of few."

Harvey sighed, "Jonathan that's 8."

"Be grateful it's not 22!"

Harvey rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Right."

Harvey's phone buzzed. He checked it. Text message from Ivy. He opened it and read the message.

"What the hell!" Harvey shouted. He turned around to look for Ivy. She was no where in sight.

"What's wrong Harvey?" Jonathan asked.

"Pammy just sent me a message saying don't come home tonight or else."

"Wow. What'd you do?" Jack smirked.

Harvey sighed, "No clue. Damn. I'm going to get drunk then. Screw it. Holly, two more drinks."

"Yay! Let's just all get drunk," Jack laughed.

* * *

Ivy sat back down. "You send the message to Jack?"

"Damn right I did!" Harley shot up, "I need ta get home."

"Not so fast girl," Selina stood up.

Ivy checked her phone, "It's 10:57. I think we should be getting home."

The girls hailed a cab and dropped Harley off home safely. Then they headed to Ivy's apartment.

Selina yawned as they entered the flat, "I'm gonna go to bed. See ya in the morning Ivy."

"Yeah, goodnight kitty."

Selina walked into her room and flopped onto her bed.

Ivy kicked off her shoes and pulled off her shirt. She checked her phone messages. Harvey hadn't called or texted her yet. She opened her phone and pressed speed dial #2. She waited after 6 rings she got his voicemail. Ivy sighed. He'd call her back later.

* * *

Ivy woke up in the middle of the night. She shot up in bed. She pulled her hair back behind her ears. She looked on Harvey's side of the bed. She felt panicked. Did he come home last night? She checked her phone messages, still nothing. She checked the time 12:49. She pressed speed dial #2. Voicemail. She sighed and got up. She pulled off her pants and slipped on a black dress. Ivy hated to re-wear clothes. She walked down the hallway and opened Selina's door.

"Selina…"

"Huh… what?"

"Did you hear from Harvey last night?"

"No… what's wrong?"

"He didn't come home last night."

Selina sat up, "What?"

"Yeah," Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose, "I am going to go check on his house."

"Need me to come with you?"

"No. I'll be alright. Go back to sleep."

"Alright… night."

Selina laid back down and Ivy shut the door. She grabbed her coat from the couch and headed downstairs. In Gotham there were always a few cabs running at almost 1:00 in the morning. She hailed one and gave him Harvey's address.

* * *

Ivy reached Harvey's house and stood outside. She walked up to the porch and knocked on the door. She tapped her foot impatiently. She knocked again. She frowned and looked under the mat for the house key. Damn. He moved it. She tried to open the door. The handle didn't budge. She looked under the second rock near the door. There was a key.

"Thank God," she muttered.

She opened the door and closed it behind her. Ivy walked into the living room and looked on the couch, then the kitchen. She walked down the hallway and opened Harvey's bedroom door. There was Harvey lying in bed. Ivy sighed and crawled on top of the bed. She bent down and put her arms around him. She felt Harvey move beneath her.

"Pammy?"

"Hey…"

Harvey sat up, "What are you doing here?"

"Wow. Maybe, oh, I don't know. Looking for you."

"Why? You sent me that text saying not to come home."

"When the hell did I send that!"

"Few minutes before you girls left."

"Harvey I never sent… oh shit."

"What?" Harvey asked.

"I let Harley borrow my phone. She was drunk. Maybe she accidentally sent it to you."

"Oh wow. That explains a lot."

"Oh shit. What about Jack?"

Harvey laughed, "Oh my God. He probably got his ass kicked and now he's on the street. Living in a box."

Ivy giggled, "I think he had it coming."

"My, my," Harvey smiled.

Ivy put her arms around his neck and kissed him, "Can I sleep here?"

"Of course," he nodded, "You look nice."

Ivy looked down and blushed. Once again, she had dressed up for Harvey. She always seemed to dress up for him, "Thanks."

Ivy got up and slipped off her dress. She threw it on the floor and got under the covers with Harvey.

* * *

Selina woke up in the morning. Harlow was sleeping at the foot of her bed and Isis was sleeping on the chair. She got up and headed down the hallway to the kitchen. She noticed Ivy's door was shut. She knocked on the door.

"Come in," came Ivy's response.

Selina opened the door. Ivy was opening the blinds in her room. Harvey was still in bed. Ivy looked at Selina and smiled.

"Good morning, kitty."

"Good morning Ivy. I see you got Harvey back."

"Yeah, Harley accidentally sent her death threat to Harvey instead of Jack."

Selina was about to respond when the doorbell buzzed. Selina walked down the hallway and pressed the button. She waited and heard someone storming down the hallway outside the apartment. Ivy walked down the hallway into the living room with Selina. There was a knock on the door. Selina opened it and Jack stormed in.

"Where the hell is he?"

"Who?" Ivy asked.

"Who? Who! Well there's only one "he" in this damn apartment," Jack walked down the hallway mumbling curses under his breath. The girls followed him down the hallway. Harvey opened the door and quickly stepped out of the way of Jack's fist. Jack grabbed Harvey's shirt.

"You see this?" he pointed to his eye, which had a bluish-purplish circle around it.

Harvey laughed, "Damn. You get into a fight with a raccoon?"

"Shut up. Harley kicked my ass because I came home last night."

"Ya need some ice?" Harvey asked walking into the kitchen. Jack followed and behind him the girls followed. Harvey grabbed ice from the fridge and handed it to Jack.

Ivy folded her arms, "Now Jack. What have we learned?"

"Uh… I don't know."

"Maybe don't test girls with their weight," Selina growled.

"Yeah right," Jack snorted.

"How's Harley?" Ivy asked.

"She's fine. You'll find out soon."

"Why?" Harvey asked worriedly.

"She's gonna live with you guys," Jack laughed.

Harvey gaped and Jack patted him on the back.

"Soon Harv you will be like a playboy master. Like Hugh Hefner. But with villainous girls. That are ten times worse than playboy bunnies. I do wish you luck."

Harvey groaned, "Why me?"

"'Cuz fate loves you," Jack laughed nodding at Two-Face.

Two-Face snarled, "Jackass."

"Yeah, be grateful I don't shrink your clothes."

"Believe me Jack, I'm already on it."

"Yeah… wait what?"

"Yep. Already on it," Harvey walked off down the hallway laughing.

The girls smirked and pulled Jack to the door and escorted them out.

Jack groaned, at least Harvey was blonde. Tight shirt. What would that be like? He shrugged and walked down the hallway, back home to watch reruns of "Who's Line is it Anyways?".

FIN


End file.
